I’m in a situation that frustrates me to a point where I just want to kick, scream, and cry! My biggest obstacle that I want to overcome is my anxiety. Of course, overcoming something like that would require a lot of time and patience, and I’m very aware that it will be a painful process, but at this point I just want to get better.
All I want to do right now is move away to a new place, and start fresh. If that isn’t a big enough motivation, then I honestly don’t know what is, pizza maybe? There is no excuse as to why I can’t move away, I could literally pack up and move right now because honestly there are no big responsibilities holding me here, but it’s the fear… the anxiety of doing it has put me at a standstill.
I suppose the first step is accepting that you have a problem, and that you want to make a change. But how? Some say to see a therapist, others take medication, and some just face their fears head on. I would love to be brave enough to do that, but it would be like jumping in the deep end before you even know how to swim. Patience and exposure to your fears might work, but it’s so hard to force yourself to do that, and even harder if you haven’t yet pin-pointed what your fear is exactly.
One way to explain my anxiety is to put it this way;
As I walk through the shadowed forest, the darkness blurs my vision, which makes me stop in my tracks. I don’t want to go any further. I want to call out to my friend but the feeling that something bad is going to happen won’t stop niggling away at me, so I keep quiet. My heart begins to pound hard in my chest. I want to run but it feels like something has grabbed onto my foot, so I stay still, suffocating in the fear, not wanting to know what it is that’s got a hold of me. I can see my friend, he’s telling me not to stress, can he not see I need help?
Now obviously there isn’t anything that is grabbing hold of him, he just assumes there is, exactly like how some people with anxiety assume everyone hates them or is judging them. (Even if they are judging, what does it matter, they won’t come and say it to your face, unless they are horrible human beings!)
And this is my take on how the other person would view the situation as;
The forest was a little dark, but I’ve been down this track a million times. I look back, and find that my friend has come to a complete stop. He looks a little flustered, “Don’t stress,” I tell him, but he doesn’t listen, so I keep walking.
The friend on the other hand just thinks he is stressing because it’s a little dark, but really, it’s a whole bunch of different things. It’s not the friends fault that he doesn’t know, or understand because the first character hasn’t said a word. So, if you haven’t told friends and family what is going on, then don’t get mad or upset when they shrug and assume you’re just having a bad day. In saying that though, some people are harsh and won’t have sympathy. When I come across a person like that I tend to avoid opening up.
“Stay,” it whispered to her. “If you leave the house something horrible will happen.”
“Stay,” the other one said softly, “People will whisper things about you if you go out there.”
“Stay,” another murmured, “or you will make a fool of yourself.”
“Stay,” all three chanted together, “You aren’t good enough, you aren’t worthy, you will never get better, it is pointless to try.”
“Go,” a small voice whispered into her ear, “Go and live. You are perfect, and deserve to be happy.”